Perhaps our greatest fear is not of the dissolution of self, but of owning up to Self.
"To begin with, our newly received sword-our newly grasped understanding of the mechanics of consciousness-exists predominantly as a concept, a mental construct, somewhat brittle and untried. This mental construct-like all concepts about spiritual matters-will break apart when applied to the rigors of harsh reality. The sword will fly into pieces. We will be left defenseless and with the sense that we know nothing of spiritual reality. This is a necessary part of the process, because if we know something with our minds only, we don't really know anything. It is not until we know with our hearts that we truly know." ~ Diana Durham, Return of King Arthur, 142.
Often we have a radical opening, just to find ourselves flipping back in the opposite direction. The ego and armor seem pull back ones closure around one after a radical opening. Through witnessing the openings and the closures time and time again we become aware that this vascilation is biochemically driven hyperbolic curves. Ultimately though with the radical heart expansions and associated gravity warping and acute sensory and psychic experience...we are essentially "broken open" by love.
"Individuation is a life-long process of finding the
meaning of our existence irrespective of others' needs, wants and
demands. The early focus of individuation is not in finding "whom I
am," but in learning "who I am not." ~ Karla McLaren
Verena Kast defined individuation as: "The life-long process
toward wholeness, individuality, differentiation from one's parents,
parental complexes and projections."
"Individuation therefore also means separation, differentiation and recognition of what is yours and what is not." 256 ~ Marie-Louise Von Franz, Alchemy.
If kundalini is the energy of individuation, then
how does kundalini relate to relationship? During a kundalini awakening
as more layers of our being are accessed we are both more vulnerable,
complex and sensitive. The energy of kundalini is highly attractive and
addictive and so we have to be careful not to draw unhealthy
relationships, like wasps around a honey pot. It's the kundalini energy
itself that is "attractive" but it's not always attractive. Kundalini
is attractive to the degree that bodies and hearts are "open," and it
pushes uncomfortably against that which is not open.
"True love takes its own course through uncharted
territory. It knows no fences, has no barriers or boundaries. It's
difficult to define, eludes modern measurement, and seems
scientifically wooly. But I know true love exists. I just can't prove
it." ~ David Buss
There is an extremely volatile and complex human
predicament involved with activated kundalini, perhaps more so than any
other aspect of being human. Because it involves the radical
amplification, derepression, nexus and shakeup of ourselves in relation
to our world, it is the raw edge of existence! Metamorphosis, for all
its fire and flash is completely useless if undergone at the expense of
genuine human relationships. That it is relationship, not enlightenment
that is important, and that enlightenment involves skillful
"Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the
waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness...the energies of love.
Then, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have
discovered fire." ~ Pierre Theilhard de Chardin
Both Jung and Sri Aurobindo believed that the soul is both individual
and universal and that the physical and psychic exist simultaneously.
Supra-sex you could say is the spiritual intercourse of the Global
Brain—the communion of the overmind or Superman (Aurobindo). This
communion is superluminal, nonlocal and probably involves instantaneous
communication via scalar waves or sympathetic resonance. Supra-sex is a
mysterious subatomic force that spans the globe. The experience of
supra-sex makes it apparent to us irreverent humans that we live in a
spiritual universe, an intelligent universe, far more profound than we
could possibly imagine. There is nothing more powerful than the force
of Supra-sex. It is the force of evolution and consciousness itself,
the energy at the ground of manifestation. Future generations will know
more about and honor it more deeply than us, for slowly humanity is
being awakened by this evolutionary force.
It is apparent that the separate self sense is a low
energy condition and sex sometimes raises our energy enough so that the
veil of separation falls. Then it is like looking at the world, or ones
lover with the eyes of a child. This is beautifully portrayed by Jody
Foster in the movie Contact...during her wormhole trip when she
intimately felt-senses the beauty of the universe, and during her time
on the Pensacola beach that the aliens constructed for her. She truly
felt for the first time since her parents died, the infinite love of
the Universe and the fact that she was not alone. She kept saying..."I
never knew...I never knew." Stepping into cosmic levels of
consciousness is very much like that... the intense love, awe and
gratitude, coupled with the sense that "I never knew it could be like
"When our desire to continue distracting ourselves from our suffering becomes weaker (or is permitted less control) than our desire to be truly free, we are magnetically drawn to Awakening's alchemy, letting the fires of its crucible provide us with both heat and light." 181, ~ Robert Augustus Masters, Darkness Shining Wild.
Dionysus is an epidemic god, he spreads like a contagion into areas which have had little exposure to him. We ignite those around us simply with our presence while kundalini is active. "...a power that works directly from matter to matter, or from body to body, without mental intervention. Like a contagion. That is the supramental power." 251 ~ Mother, Satprem
It is helpful especially during the peak of kundalini awakening to give a name to our kundalini energy, and another name to our ego-I. By personalizing the energies in this way we are more likely to be conscious of the rising of kundalini and to relax the ego-I, thus preventing an exhausting war between these two opposing factions.
"Ultimately there are no obstacles anywhere, except in ourselves and everything is meant for that perfection." P.197, ~ Mother, Satprem
kind of kundalini awakening we have is specific to the way we have
built ourselves. The scrapes and bruises life offers are beneficial
also; all is fuel for the flames. We complicate matters due to our
misunderstanding about kundalini and the religious superstition that
has been lumped on the process over the centuries. Thus it's up to
people that have initiated kundalini to share their experience with
others, in order to reduce the ignorance. While kundalini is active we
ignite those around us simply with our presence with a power that works
directly from body to body, heart to heart--like a contagion.
We do not have metamorphosis, metamorphosis "has" us.
Because metamorphosis assumes precedence over other life processes it
will continue by drawing energy from other functions. This loss of
normal function could pose as a crisis for those whose circumstances
cannot accommodate such a shift. A steady increase in the difficulty of
meaningful work is perhaps one of the most essential components of
navigating the storm of awakening successfully and re-integrating
oneself into purposeful relationship to the world. The fact that we are
most often forced to make a living is a saving grace to those
recovering from kundalini for it forces us out in relation to the
world. Studies show that doing complex work as a main occupation lowers
our risk of Alzheimer's disease. The researchers theorize that
performing complex tasks may have an exercise-like effect that builds
up the "cognitive reserve" in the brain. This is reinforcement for the
old axiom "what you don't use you lose."
This is a summary of some obsticals we might encounter on our
journey toward supreme consciousness. We are each a spectrum of various
degrees of the pitfalls that make up our shadow side. The shadow
playing into the light and the light playing into the shadow.
Love-consciousness would be the light side that is half of who we are,
would it not? The darkside would be the recalcitrant neglect of cues
from body-mind-soul-muse regarding the appropriate care and
love-consciousness for self or other. Shadow is perhaps the
separate-self-sense's blind concern and focus on that which stops the
heart from expanding to infinity.
Kundalini and our beliefs about God and spirituality are not
important. What is of ultimate value to us is Life, love and
relationship. If our kundalini and our beliefs are interfering with our
Life, love and relationship then we must do everything within our power
of awareness to rectify this situation.
Retreat into infantile prerational uroboric fusion. Indulgence in
dissolution and fragmentation; often due to lack of modeling, support,
structure or clearly defined developmental framework of ascent that
covers all sides of the whole human (survival, somatic, emotional,
social, spiritual). Desire to let ones life collapse in the hope of
being rescued. Retreat into depression and grief to escape more
expansive perception and profound sense of being
Retreat and evasion through dissociation
and denial. Inertial holding back to former modes of perception and
being. Effort to pull energy down, back and in through substance
addictions, heavy food, sedentary lifestyle and through avoidance of
"opening" practices and therapy. Secondary fear chemistry due to
negative interpretation of kundalini events resulting in panic,
paralysis, stagnation, isolation and avoidance. Even running away from
bliss and increased wellbeing with various forms of anaesthetization,
self-repression and self-destruction.
The fire once ignited must take precedence over all else.
The first mantra of the Rig Veda says: "I invoke the fire and place it in the forefront." This can be interpreted in many ways, but for someone in the throws of a kundalini awakening it is invaluable to remember this first mantra. For the fire of kundalini works for our salvation and the evolution of the species. To "go into" the fire is the moral choice, while to fight it is counter to our own true nature and Self-actualization. Thus no matter what the challenge the fire puts us through, we must walk into the flame, and let it awaken us to a reality beyond the past and the known.
There is no goal more desired and delicious than our Soul. We must distinguish this primary drive to incarnate and let go of all lesser compensations which keep us from ourSelves. On this journey of awakening it is the river of fire running through us that leads us home to the great Ocean. Pain and difficulty with metamorphosis is a factor of our fearful interpretation and our resistance to the alchemy rather than the process itself. In this sense the more we surrender into it, the faster our miasmas are cleared and the quicker we achieve our spiritualized Self. Things will proceed faster if we achieve an objective and transpersonal perspective of this intensely personal process, for then we will both relax our resistance and avoid inflation.
Relaxing into the Witness beyond thought, the mind
and the known self is the main process of spiritual evolution.
Meditation allows the Witness to slowly differentiate from the
ego/memory-self so this change in self-sense is manageable. However
kundalini awakenings, drugs, falling in love and contact with a Guru,
can force such rapid expansion that a "growth" crisis occurs. You could
call this "necessary disorientation;" though through various
experiences on the journey we learn that the Witness is still there
even in catatonia, even when there is no ego or motor coordination.
Ken Wilber says enlightenment is the number one
priority because only "enlightened action" transforms and we need
transformation more than mere translation. However joining a sangha,
going to endless weekend retreats, yoga lessons and therapies seems
like self-indulgent dilly-dallying while Rome burns.
Teilhard de Chardin said that transformation is the Triumph of
Spirit. This Triumph of Spirit is not brought about through inflated
Boomer world-saving projects or get rich quick schemes. The Triumph of
Spirit is the empowerment of the body, mind, heart and soul toward
action that reflects the Good, the True and the Beautiful...(or God).
we can see that the way to bring about enlightened change is through
focusing our thought, feeling, intention and action on those areas of
our personal and collective lives that need to be brought into the
light of Grace. And thereby facilitate this Triumph of Spirit.