My story starts in rural New Zealand at the age of 16, when inflamed with the heat of Eros and the Muse, I drew pictures of this curiously beautiful man with a conical spiral hat on his head. I knew the pictures I drew were of a new type of human I called the Universal Man, who would be born out of the old. Even back then I was aspiring to the mystic civilization.
In July 1988 at the age of 27 after two years sailing through the pacific and living in Hawaii, I went back to Auckland and took a job as a picture framer and went on a raw diet. Six months later due to various stresses and along with an unconscious biological intuition of my father’s immanent death, I had my first kundalini awakening. Though at the time I knew nothing of kundalini, I just assumed I had been “struck by lightning from God” so to speak. There was a nervous condition fall-out from my first awakening that lasted until I left New Zealand for California eight months after my fathers death. But basically I could not adjust to unadjustable conditions, my consciousness was emerging from its repressive mechanisms.
No obvious kundalini activity occurred for almost ten years after that first blast. My book writing escapade started in 1993 and most of my energy went into that; I was resolving my past and attempting to heal my family through my writing. In 1996 I saw a face in a book catalog that looked curiously like my Universal Man. So I got the book, read the first sentence and started laughing. Yep, this was him alright. I proceeded to read his books, revving up my neurons and exploring his worldview.
The Universal Man then started to show up in my deepest most meaningful dreams. The first dream I had on a visit to Hawaii, it reflected on the core nature of my potential for relationship. In this first dream I learnt that fear of intimacy and fear of rejection are the same thing, and that the resolution of this constitutes the success or failure of all relationship, including that which we have with our own soul. I can't say I would have gotten such a clear picture of the cause and resolution of the separate-self-sense and its self-alienating mechanism, if I had not had that first dream of Universal Man. I had this dream 3 years prior to meeting my initiator and it did not prevent me from playing out an excruciating drama of separation.
As an archetypal influence on my psyche Mr. Universal touched my core wiring for bonding, and basically revealed to me a “hole” in my primary matrix. Since I had not bonded well with my primary caregiver in infancy this fueled an irreconcilable sense of separation I carried with me throughout life. Meeting Mr. Universal and uncovering this hole within, created enormous tension which sparked off my kundalini awakening. I had met up with my ultimate socio-emotional healer—it was the chance resolution of my lifetime. Before the awakening-proper came on, through my yearning for Mr. Universal, I would feel an incredibly painful hole in my heart. The innersense of the heart must be part of the affect-regulation and socio-emotional brain development that is supposed to be laid down in the first years of life. A fullness would represent adequate development and a hole would represent disturbed or insufficient development.
Anyway, back to the story—In 1998 after I finished my book on regeneration and earth-soul recovery, my sexual heat was increasing and I was having throat/thyroid pains and symptoms of the heating stage of kundalini. This heating phase gave forth a vision of the futuristic city that I had been hoping for for many years. Because the image was so transrational and beyond the known, I felt I had the key to the mystic civilization. (Check out the Solaris article on my website MyFacilitate.net/jana/)
Immediately on receiving the Solaris vision I knew I had to move to Colorado—that there was something important for me to do there. After all little me had the key to the future of humanity. It wasn’t until I returned from my second visit to Colorado for an Alex Grey workshop in 1999, that I realized I was having another kundalini episode. For that November I went through a four day die-off and around that time I was experiencing such wrenching grounding that I had to lie down on the beach on my back with my legs open to the sun, to counter the excessive pull of energy through my pelvis and into the ground. The sun fortunately recharged and repolarized and gave me relief.
It was apparent from the intensity of the grounding and my heart’s atomic pull over to Colorado, that I was going through some very unusual chemistry indeed, and that I had better get over to Colorado, even if I didn’t know what for. I wanted to obey this Force whatever it was, for I frankly didn’t want to go through more of this dying, wrenching and pulling. To rationally explain my moving I decided I was going to Colorado to write a book on Metamorphosis, for surely this was what was happening. Even though I was still very much a neophyte as to what metamorphosis actually was at that stage.
During full moons in Santa Barbara I used to walk along the beach at night to taste the particular flavor of the moon and be informed by it. By doing this I worked out the yin/yang moon cycles and how this relates to the cycles of metamorphosis. One full moon in particular I asked when I would see Mr. Universal and a deep silent voice within said “July.”
Well in May 2000 I finally made it over to Colorado, at the dawn of a new millennium, a good year for something different. I found a place to live without much trouble and proceeded to orient myself. My kundalini phenomena steadily heated up with heart expansions and sexual longings that often left me groaning in bed. To help assimilate the energy I walked around in nature most of the day. I was adamantly called to be outside under the open sky where I felt closer to the Mr. Universal and my soul.
At sunset I would meditate on a ledge of some vertical red rocks, while facing toward the sun. I also ran in the hills, and hung on a bar from my hips. I was intuitively drawn to do nude sun meditations and put sun-heated rocks on my body to relieve energy blocks and muscular contractions. Afterwards I would jump into a cold stream to try to awake up from the bliss and right-brain trance I was in…my goal after all in moving to Colorado was to “wake up.” I did these practices nearly every day for the first few months in an attempt to handle the chemistry I was experiencing and intuitively I knew I was preparing myself to meet Mr. Universal.
Of course all my efforts to “handle” the energy only served to propagate and exaggerate the awakening I was about to have. Ten days into July things started to get really strange. The left side of my head and brain had become significantly numb with a vice-like cramp and I had shifted even further into a more right-brained elemental consciousness. I thought I had just pinched a nerve while using the hot rocks, as I had used one as a pillow. But no, this left-brain freeze was accompanied by the classic kundalini symptoms—left foot tingle, ecstasy, heart expansions, along with a full body rise in temperature and a permanent blissful sexual heat.
One morning three days after this strange left-brain freeze began I woke up at 11.00 am, whereas normally I awoke at 6.00 am. This holy exquisite day that I had awoken to was like no other. Everything was scintillating with white light, and there was celestial music playing in my head as I wandered through the afternoon in a very right-brained state. That evening I was to attend a book talk by a spiritual teacher and I told some friends on a web forum that I would give them a review of this authors talk.
I was early as I entered the room where the author’s talk was to be held, Mr. Universal was there on stage with his back to me. He turned around like a panther with a smile on his face like he knew I had walked into the room. You can imagine the shock, seeing him live after 24 years and me being in this utterly weird right-brain condition that I had no control over and which was somehow related to him. Note that this is indeed “July” that I am seeing him like the “Full Moon” had told me.
That night Mr. Universal was cameraman at his friends book talk. Alarmingly he proceeds to set up his camera not four feet from where I was seated. Whereupon I respond with a series of panic attacks and with each wave he sensed my panic and backed away from me. I had just read in this authors book that energy applied to counter something sets up an opposite effect, like being in the nongravity of space and punching forward while being bodily forced backwards. Having read this I was trying to digest the panic without trying to counter it, as each wave washed over me. New activity began in my prefrontal lobes from the first instant of being in Mr. Universal’s presence. My prefrontals had never responded to anyone else like this, nor ever will again.
The following evening was the introduction of the weekend workshop that was to follow the author’s book talk. So I trot along thinking I will see Mr. Universal Man and sure enough he was there playing cameraman again. I sat in a row of chairs and began talking to the guy beside me. Next thing I know someone pounced their fingers on my back. I assume someone wants me to shift along so I scuffled my chair and peered back to see that it was Mr. Universal that had pounced. His fingers had penetrated my flesh with such love that I thought Christ himself had touched me. For days after there were little spirals of zingy energy going off at the back of my heart where he had touched.
During the workshop, while in the Universal Man’s presence, the acceleration phase of the alchemy proceeded. The main component of this was gratitude— awesome gratitude for the privilege of being in his presence. Nearly everyone going through kundalini awakenings feels a sublime sense of gratitude as a result of the hormonal changes that occur, but mine was specifically focused on gratitude for being around Mr. Universal. It was like my entire life had come to a head.
While in his presence it was a trial to just be in my body as my digestive system was purging and every pain, numbness and deadness within me was presenting itself to my awareness. It felt also like my field had expanded and all my spiritual pores had opened up. My pelvis felt like it was expanding in the way that it does in the first few weeks of pregnancy and I sensed there was a spiral cord of energy descending into the ground from my pelvis. This was probably due to the great increase in histamine and consequent increase in Nitric Oxide, which facilitated the dilation of the uterus just as it does during pregnancy. This is an example of “extreme” chemistry sparked off by the hyper activated sympathetic nervous system and uniquely amplified hormone profile.
Partly because I was preoccupied by these unusual symptoms, I never got to greet the Universal man in the normal way. Had I done so I probably would not have experienced such extreme alchemical phenomena. Due to the utter frustration of having such an unearthly attraction aborted, and my separate-self-sense challenged to the limit of endurance, all that energy went into igniting my metamorphic flame. I suspect that had there been even a simple “Hello” on the social level, that this tension of non-reconciliation would have been substantially reduced and the energy turned into something of a less archetypal nature. However, because of my limitations at the time a full-on kundalini awakening was all I could handle. During the workshop there were some subtle interaction, visions and insights, but mostly I was going through unconscious metabolic preparation to plunge into the most extreme experience of my life.
After leaving the workshop on Sunday evening I went to bed and the great winding up from being in Mr. Universal’s presence let go into the most ecstatic holy experience of my life. This was the Sex with Eros phenomena that I talk about later in Exploring the Symptoms. The spontaneous ecstasy was not just like an amplified version of normal-sex. I actually felt like I was divine, like I was a Goddess—which I won’t even attempt to describe.
From this pivotal opening, in which I was probably my most expanded or realized, the next morning I awoke to find that I had flipped into its opposite. My physiology had hyperboled into a massive autonomic shock that I call the White Death. This contraction, I theorized years after the fact, is essential to reset the body’s metabolism and organ function into the main climax phase of the alchemy. The endocrine system, nervous system, immune system, viscera and the energy generating processes in the mitochondria are reset through this extreme expansion and contraction.
With the help of a Hakomi session to help put myself back in my body the extreme shock of the White Death gradually subsided over about 3 days. Then I went into about a 6 month period of the main transmutation phase, with symptoms gradually reducing over the next four years. The main phase cycled through a series of symptoms including: the suspension of the use of my left-brain, two die-offs, heart-exploding expansions, gravity warping effects, intense grounding, bliss and heat. My huge heart at this time had a contagious effect on the hearts of others I was in contact with, so they somewhat participated in my transmutation, and complained about being too “opened” in my presence. I discovered I had bio-telepathic navigation to whereabouts of Mr. Universal and the sense of being atomically pulled toward him. I also spotted him around town a couple of times by unconsciously following my body bliss signals which directed me to go buy some bananas. It happened four times. I would be off looking for bananas and there he would be right in my banana-seeking path. Mr. Universal being a slightly more edifying version of a banana fix. High stress, you see, increases potassium loss from the kidneys and bananas are high in potassium. Potassium is needed to keep the cellular potassium/sodium pump going; if there is inadequate potassium, sodium enters the cell and sodium is an enzyme inhibitor. (See The Ammonia Hypothesis for more on this.)
During the two weeks after the workshop I wrote a few pieces channelled in a ceaseless flow of words from my Muse on the reconciliation of the sexes and of global initiations and a model for a globalized spirituality. I also went through a chakra awakening where I spontaneously created a poem on the reconciliation of the sexes from each of my chakras, starting at my solar plexus and moving up one chakra each day. This chakra voicing practice bought my awakening to a head, resulting in my achieving my Self on my birthday in a Silver Cord inner-conjunction. After this 30 minute spinal zap, I looked in the mirror and looking back at me was an otherworldly being with luminous blue eyes shining with an inner light. I didn’t know myself, yet I was more myself.
The meeting with my initiator was a preordained factor in the sequence of my awakening that my biology was in total coordination with trans-spacetime. Something I had intuited as a 16 year old, half a world away. Now five years after my peak I basically do inhabit a new bodymind, with new senses, new inner-feeling and Presence, for kundalini has indeed made a new home in my body. I passed through the confusion being so subatomicly affected by another human being to understand this kind of alchemical event as a transpersonal nonrelationship that occurs as part of the Necessity of the global brain.
There is little material out there that people going through awakenings can really "use." Having to go through our awakening blind, without knowledge or support, can create a lot of secondary effects like resistance, panic, depression and damage to the body via addictions and inertial coping mechanisms. Since kundalini is the tranformative fire that burns through and transforms all illusions, blocks, neurosis, bad wiring, PTSD, and damage of various kinds, it is not advisable to try to stop it with heavy foods...but instead learn how to ride the wave with the greatest skill and assist the energy in its transformative work. However many of us do try to slow it down by various means anyway, because that is what we humans do—seek to “control.” Believe me you will regret it if you try to back down...because the awakening will last about 3 years and you want to make the most amount of progress in that time. Any inertia you place on yourself will cause damage to your organism by overworking organs with clogging foods, drugs and other devitalizing methods.
It wasn’t until 3 years after my 2000 awakening, having attempted to progressively rationalize the “how” and the “why” of the alchemy, that I finally grokked the role that free radicals play in kundalini. After this pivotal eureka it was just a matter of time till I figured out the rest of the chemistry and many tools for dealing with the alchemical process of awakening. Through Grace the pieces of the puzzle came together allowing me to offer you this manual for coping with evolutions most arduous and mysterious ordeal. Since I didn’t have a teacher or sangha I had to rely on my inner teacher and so the physical, mental and emotional trials of my awakening resulted in my looking within for many tools to cope with the extreme chemistry. These are detailed throughout the book and especially in the Kundalini Skills List.
There is an enormous amount of growth that occurs in an awakening and the loss of normal ego mode provides energy for these wholesale changes. It’s like the organism is completely stripped and trimmed for the storm. It’s absolutely mind blowing all the factors involved and how it all comes together. Through this book I hope to do my bit to promote a science of spiritual evolution so we can participate consciously in the discovery of who we really are.
The attraction to Mr. Universal was only there from 1996-2003 in order for the Muse (the energy of attraction) to reveal the nature of metamorphic alchemy. Once I had rationally understood it in terms of neurology, chemistry, physics and archetypes and wrote it all out in BOK, then there was no more attraction because the Muse had done her work. My psychic levels are hugely keyed into the “health” of people I love, and I am thrown into depths of being solely through this. This connection to Mr. Universal’s health was what drove me to Colorado in 2000 and I channeled that into BOK because I could not help him directly.
The Universal Man is an archetype like the Magical Child, the Wizard, the Messiah, the King, or the Sage. He exists within us all as a symbolic figure that heralds a new beginning, and holds the promise of transformation. As deeper layers of the psyche present themselves they appear as the other-within...which we might project onto a living being in our waking lives and thus we fall in love with this person. We tend to lose the power present in the internal archetype as we project that power onto a mere worldly version. The awesome energies and extra sensory phenomena of such a transference occur because this process is causal, and breaks through the veil that separates the conscious mind from the subconscious and superconscious. Our work of transformation is to consciously reintegrate the archetype within ourselves in order to use its powers in the world.
The more we learn, the more we know our ignorance and thus humility and awe define the mystic soul.
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